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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Wait ... God Hates DOGS?

About a month after the death of Fred Phelps, infamous “God Hates Fags!” activist and founder of the funeral-crashing Westboro Baptist Church, I came across this unique sermon, a sort of eulogy to Phelps.

I’m not familiar with the works or preaching of the minister below, a “Rev. Daley O’Grasper,” but I’m certain he wouldn’t mind the blatant abuse of copyright laws I commit here by quoting his sermon in full.  Surely he wants his message spread to as wide an audience as possible.  As you’ll see, he does a remarkable job of showing Biblically how “God Hates Fags!” is only the beginning, and how applying the same Westboro Baptist Scriptural approach to other areas of the Bible will lead us ever closer to becoming a pure and righteous nation.  His message comes across more strongly if you imagine his voice in a down-home preacher accent. 

On a personal note … I'm not fond of his use of Phelp's term "fags."  But I sure am relieved I only own a cat.

“Beyond Hating Fags”  ~ April 13, 2014

Brother and sisters, a shining light of truth has gone out.  The Reverend Fred A. Phelps, a man fearless in his proclamation of the truth, has finally gone on to glory, and we are left a little emptier in our efforts to beat some godly sense into this godforsaken nation.  More than anyone, Fred knew the Biblical principle that the “kingdom of heaven is born of violence, and the violent must take it by force.”

We have lost a Four-Star General in our Sodomite Wars.

And I know what you feel, brothers and sisters!  I know you are asking, “Reverend O’Grasper, who will lead us now?  Reverend O’Grasper, is all now lost, and must we now quit the field of battle, ceding ground to the Gay Brigades?”

Take heart, my children of God.  For the Reverend Daley O’Grasper knows what must be done.  We will not give up ground!  We will not end the fight!

In fact, we will win new ground.  We will fight an even broader fight.

Fred Phelps, I tell you now, did not go far enough.  Did you hear me?  I’ll say it again.  Fred Phelps did not go far enough with his “God Hates Fags” crusade, for the Bible reveals to us an even graver threat to the sanctity of American families.  There is an anti-Scriptural curse within millions of homes throughout this land, and it has been here in front of our eyes for so long, it must be that we were too blind to see it.

Brothers and sisters … God Hates Dogs.

The Biblical Case

Oh, brothers, I know you’re gasping at that!  Sisters, I know you are clutching your pearls.  But biblical truth will not be kept silent, not while the Reverend Daley O’Grasper still has breath in his lungs!

Protest all you wish, but the simple fact is: the God of the Bible hates dogs even more than He hates “fags.”

Homosexuality is mentioned in 8 books of the Bible.  But dogs?  The canine curse?  They are mentioned negatively in 19 books of the Bible, a full 237% more books than those mentioning homosexuals.

And distinct passages within those books?  Homosexuality is mentioned or implied in 9, yes only 9 different passages, and then only if you stretch it a little.  But dogs?  The four-footed fiends?  They are condemned in 32 distinct passages, 356% more condemnation than what the Lord provided for those homosexuals we so vehemently oppose.

Perhaps you claim I’m playing a cute numbers game … but I tell you, they are God’s numbers, it is no game, and to question them is to question the Almighty himself!

Perhaps you say that the dogs are sometimes only used as a metaphor for the heathen … but I answer you, God selected that metaphor because it was the creature he found most disgusting on the face of the Earth.  For why would He use dogs as a metaphor of His disgust if they did not disgust Him?

Perhaps you think “common sense” should overrule the divine revelation of the inerrant Word of God … but I say to you that your love of cuddly Mr. Muffins the chihuahua or noble Rex the German shepherd is no love at all, but a lie of the devil as he tries to fill our homes with creatures contrary to the righteousness of God.

If you have a household dog … a creature condemned by God himself, interacting with your loved ones … then you have brought utter perversity into your home.

From here on, our message will be this: If we spend a day in our fight against homosexuals in America, we must commit 3 to 4 of the following days in our fight against the far more hated creature of Scripture, the dog.

For God hates dogs, and He hates you if you love them in defiance to His Word.

Scriptural Lessons about Dog Ownership

The Reverend Daley O’ Grasper says unto you: If dogs could talk, they would say bad things about holy people.

“But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the Lord doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.” (Exodus 11:7)

What you pay to buy or "adopt" the abomination called “dog” is equivalent to what you pay a whore.

“Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the Lord thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the Lord thy God.” (Deut 23:18)

Dogs are equated with sexually aberrant behavior.

2 Sam. 3:8 -- Abner protests that having inappropriate relations with his father's concubine would make him a "dog's head."

Dogs are unworthy as protectors of your children.

God has Gideon reject any warrior who drinks water “like a dog” rather than with their hands, for by that behavior they show themselves to be unfit as God's holy warriors. (Judges 7:5-7)

Dogs are lowly, and to be considered one is insulting.

“And the Philistine said unto David, Am I a dog, that thou comest to me with staves? And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.” (I Sam. 17:43)  Further, Abishai calls a "dead dog" one who has insulted King David (2 Sam. 16:9).

Dogs eat the fallen bodies of the cursed.

I Kings 14:11; 1 Kings 16:4 -- Those who die cursed are eaten by dogs.  In addition, I Kings 21:19-23 shows that as part of a holy man’s curse, dogs lick up the blood of the condemned (Elijah to Ahab); and dogs eat the condemned one's wife (Jezebel).

Dogs killed the Messiah.

Psalms 22:16 – “For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet.”  (A prophesy of the Christ!  God saw dogs as so despicable that He casts them in the role of murdering His own Son!)

A dog symbolizes hateful, vicious violence.

2 Kings 8:13 -- One who slays men, dashes children, and rips open pregnant women is a dog.

Heathens are dogs.

Psalm 59:6-8 -- “They return at evening: they make a noise like a dog, and go round about the city.  Behold, they belch out with their mouth: swords are in their lips: for who, say they, doth hear? But thou, O Lord, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.”

Dogs are foolish and violent.

Proverbs 26:11, 17 – “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly ... He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.”

Dogs are the pinnacle of sloth and greed.

Isaiah 56:10-11 – “His watchmen are blind: they are all ignorant, they are all dumb dogs, they cannot bark; sleeping, lying down, loving to slumber.  Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.”

Dogs are vicious deliverers of God's insult and wrath.

Jer. 15:3 – “And I will appoint over them four kinds, saith the Lord: the sword to slay, and the dogs to tear, and the fowls of the heaven, and the beasts of the earth, to devour and destroy.”

Nothing holy should be given to dogs.

Matt. 7:6 – “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”

Dogs = Evil workers.

Philippians 3:2 – “Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision.”

Dog will not run from repetitive acts of sin.

2 Peter 2:22 – “But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, the dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.”

Dogs are not in heaven -- they are outside the gates with the evildoers.

Rev. 22:14-15 – “Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.”


This is the creature Americans see as a member of the family.  This is the foul beast that they let play with their children, guard their home.  This is the biblical view of the brute some dare call Man's Best Friend.

Yes, brothers and sisters, the Word of God is hard.  The path of righteousness is not an easy one.  Even here today, I see that half of this very congregation has stood up and stormed out of here, furious to hear the Word of truth so plainly proclaimed.

Every single one of them is a dog lover, and, as such, is an enemy of this great nation and the Word of God.

We must oppose them, my dear remnant.  And we must oppose them 3 to 4 times as much as we have previously opposed homosexuals, as the Word of God makes clear.

Those who left during this sermon … they will be outside the gates of the Heavenly City when final judgment comes.  Only the baying of their rancid, evil pets will accompany the flames that consume them.

For truly, my brothers and sisters … God.  Hates.  Dogs.

And if you can’t see that, you’ll have forever to regret it.

Let us pray …


A final thought from Cosmic Parx:

Did it strike anyone else as kind of ironic that the initials for the Reverend  Daley O’ Grasper would be Rev. D.O’G.?

Marana Tha,

Cosmic Parx

1 comment:

  1. I love it, but I did have a problem reading it. It took too long because I had to keep wiping tears of laughter out of my eyes, clean my glasses, or climb back up off the floor to my chair. Bravo, Ms. Parx!